Where do I start? This month is becoming more unbearable not because we not coping but because we could have been proud parent anytime from now. I still cant believe something that we have longed for all these years is no longer there. How do we celebrate Christmas when we would have been a family of 4 at Christmas. I feel I can cry my eye balls out but that is not going to bring our kids back. I cant explain this intense aching feeling I have that just wont go away. We try and remain positive but as stated previously its not that we not coping it's the anytime from now feeling. I walk around with a smile on the outside but if you could only see my inside, you would grasp my pain and heartache. Empty arms sure is a heavy load to carry, and even heavier when you had two little angels missing when you being wheeled out the hospital door with no babies watching everyone else leaving with theirs. I read a status from yearning hearts and it got me agreeing fully the whole facebook has now all of a sudden lit up with baby talks all over, at times I honestly feel some are just out their to rub it in ones face. But we can only remain to trust in God that he knew why and that it might not be the right time just yet.
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