Morning Prayer

That longing still aches!

On this day 18th of August 2014 we had to say our finally farewell to the 2 little angels. We have looked so forward to meeting them after waiting years for God to touch my womb. But our plans are not his, they are definitely not plans to harm so we just have to let God be God. I found myself shedding tears just thinking on how things went horribly wrong that day, and how Dean my loving husband must be feeling when the call was made for him to choose. We knew that the possibility was there but once you kind of hit the 3 month mark you think you home safe. Then you go for another month and another and think we got this in the bag...just short of 3 months still to go. But once again we do not hold our future he does, we never know what could happen in seconds, minutes, days, weeks and even months. So love with all your heart and never walk around thinking we will have tomorrow, that my friends is not guaranteed. Life is a very valuable asset and we should never take it or even our loved ones for granted. We might never have an opportunity to say sorry, we love you, you are forgiven or just a simple "well done". So as we go about our daily lives let's take time out to start sowing love and in return we will reap it, living life to the fullest and never taking it for granted. Happy still birthday Zachary and Zoe Cupido.

What a year!

So our princess turned one 2 weeks ago on the 5th of August 2016 and boy oh boy this has been an interesting, eventful and very educating year of parenthood. We had the joys of her first crawl, first steps, giggles and so much more but also had the not so joyous moments of teething and infections. Parenthood is one of those on the job trainings you go through one day at a time. There is no manual and no tertiary educations on becoming parents. You kind of take things as it comes and learn to use the tools that work for you as a family. We look at Zarah and think on how cute she is becoming as her own personality becomes more and more evident. And then we also look at her think how innocent and dependent they are on us for there basic survival. We thank God everyday for blessing us with Zarah that brings so much joy and laughter in our life. God has brought healing through Zarah but we will always remember that we had our fair amount of pain too. Zachary and Zoe Cupido is no doubt a great part of our family and we remind Zarah all the time that she has an older brother and sister in heaven of which she gives a broad smile of acknowledgement. We as a couple believe that God is still busy with our testimony our journey has not ended yet...the scripture that is instilled in our spirit will always be "To whom much is given much is required". And we have allowed God to take us through "Our Journey and Our Testimony" as he see fit.

When strangers become friends!

So we featured in an article as well as radio on our journey of infertility and child loss 2015. And from there we came into contact with people all over, in Cape Town out of Cape Town etc. I and us as a couple then started chatting to various couples and woman but to one lady in particular who reached out to me. We chat to quite a few couples and ladies that we have never met going through the same journey as us and simply being a support structure in their most vulnerable time of infertility and child loss. Myself and *Jane spoke/chatted for nearly a year on a daily bases and it was as if we have known each other since forever. Our hubby's then thought it would be an awesome surprise for us to hook up face to face. We were unaware of the plans, she thought they were having their usually group of friends over and I was under the impression that we were hooking up with our friends for pizza's. On the 10th of June 2016 we could finally put faces to physical bodies and name. We chatted for hours and have since developed a friendship as couples too, we simply picked up where we left off via chat and did it face to face. *John and *Jane we are amazed at how you interact with our princess Zarah and her warm response to you as a couple. Who would have thought that a "minion" at only 11.5 months to date could have brought us together as total strangers to now being friends. We have since met quite a few times and we always have fun hanging out with you guys. You are always in our prayers and we will always be there to support you in your journey. Here's to loads more years of friendship, fun, laughter and not forgetting loads of food :-)

PLEASE NOTE THE NAMES USED IN THE BLOG ARE NOT THE REAL NAMES OF THE COUPLE

Strong woman in Christ!

When things seem to fall apart!

Sitting at my desk this title crept into my spirit. I'm trusting that the person reading this right now will be encouraged uplifted. We as woman face many struggles and yes my blog is about infertility and child loss but that is but a few things we face in this world. To the person reading this right now...When difficult times come into our lives and we find ourselves unable to comprehend/to understand; the enemy is quick to throw doubts/questions into our minds. God has seen your tears and aching heart. He wants you to know that he is working things out for your good. James reminds us that God wants us to trust Him in the trials of life. ◦For as we trust Him in the trials God can use the difficult trial to mold us ◦To mature us ◦So that we will be more like Jesus Christ our Savior. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” I remember when things just started falling apart during our infertility years and doubt with how big our God is overwhelmed me. The only thing that kept me going was faith in the fact that his word said even as small as a mustard seed. I found hope in the simple story of the 2 fish and 5 loaves. Humanly it seemed impossible but God fed 5 000. Showing that what looks impossible and overwhelming to us God can easily turn it around. He never said that our journey in life is easy he simply said trust and lean not onto your own understanding. May God give you peace in the storm, calm every unsettled heart...weeping may seem as if it is lasting forever but always remember joy will come in the morning.

All worth while!

Parenthood is definately not like playing house. The responsibilities are huge and everyday one needs to remind oneself it's all worth while. Looking at the little face realising they are so dependants on us the frustration they must feel not being able to verbally say what their need and wants are. My little 8th month is down with the flu this week, needless to say the already little sleep we had has now become non-existent. Once again seeing the daily struggle of her having a fever, blocked and runny nose made me realise how we as adults can barely manage a flu how about her. I thank God for blessing us with our beautiful princess daily and just to watch her grow day by day month by month all the sleepless nights, demanding need and huge responsibility resting on us are definately all worth while!

One month in!

So it's been a month since I have returned to the life of a working mom after being home for a year. I went in head first and have never looked back, I believe that tip toeing till you get into the swing of things just prolong the adaptation. Now honestly as any other working mom would confirm, it is not that easy. Your evening now consist of packing bags, setting clothes, cooking and over and above that finding time for yourself as well as catching up with your hubby all in the space of 3 to 4 hours. But once again we thrive on routine and it help heaps. Had lots of moms tell me that I would cry my eye balls out...which I didn't making me feel guilty all day on my first day back at work. But once again I strongly feel it's because our little princess is in the care of someone we know making it easier and have the reassurance that she is well cared for too. I do still have those days where I miss our 7month princess wanting to pack up at my desk and call it quits...however that smile melts ones heart in the evening when she comes through the door and is ever so priceless definitely recharging one for another day of work the next. Hats off to all moms who juggles work, family and manage to keep it all together :-)

Time sure does fly...and with time comes healing!

With just two weeks left of my year of being home before and after pregnancy I'm a bag of emotions. What started off as a very tense and paranoid journey of hospital visits, admissions and loads of meds has become nothing but an enjoyable and totally blessed experience. This whole journey of conceiving has been a life long change of how one view life and even just building a family after marriage. Every one has the dream of meeting the right partner, getting married and then starting a family. As easy as it sounds...to some of us/couples, myself/us inclusive the 3rd step to what comes naturally and easy to some couples was the most difficult one to accomplish. But we can truly say only through God's grace. The devil wanted us to loose all faith and forget about the task that was set out for us but we refuse to be victims but became victors. We have been shown over and over as to what our purpose for our journey is and we are ready to be ambassadors for other couples struggling through infertility and child loss. We had the experience of what is meant by the devil only being out to rob and destroy BUT we could also stand on God word that when the enemy comes in like a flood...the spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him. To all the couples still battling with infertility or even those still battling with child loss remember that God's plan is never to harm us...He only has good things in store for us and that in the end it will be worth the wait or even worth the sacrifice.