I did not realize how raw I still am until now, I have been around babies etc. and had never experience some kind of panic attack as I did this morning. I thought it would be easier going to my friends husband's baby shower at work with him being male than what it would have been with hers. But the minute I stepped into that room I just could not breath seeing all those baby décor, little gift etc. it dawned on me that I am back to being a mother with empty arms and womb. It is exactly 4 days to when my due date would have been and I'm am overwhelmed with anxiety and mixed emotions. It really hurts and yes I'm ok at times but there are moments that the emptiness is just so overwhelming my eyes tear up. But I pray for strength during this period where our lives could have been so much different with two little angels on earth. RIP Zachary and Zoe mommy and daddy will never forget you!
