Off Day!

So I’m really trying to keep it together today. I’m having one of those super off days. Another one pregnant another baby shower invite on its way…It hurts just thinking that the thing I long for the most is just not making its arrival. All I want to do is cry and just release some sadness and disappointment of another negative pregnancy test. I spoke to my friend and she asked how I was doing…and I almost needed to bite on my tongue not to have her feel bad about the fact that she is finally pregnant. But guess our time will come maybe this is the time that we need to realign ourselves for when our blessing does come!

Mixed Emotions!

So I get a text from a friend, one could hear that she was just not sure on how to tell me, that her pregnancy test is positive. One would have thought that I would be over the moon for them...after all they were also trying to conceive for 4.5 years. What's wrong with me why can’t I just be happy for them? She has since made an appointment at the doc today just to confirm that all is above board, so I'm awaiting her response tense as ever today...(FAITH BEFORE UNDERSTANDING) is what someone mentioned to me last week and that’s what keep me going!

Bumps all over!

So I decide to have some me time this weekend and much to my dismay it became one big nightmare. Everywhere I went there were ladies with bumps...young,old even some teens…what’s wrong with this world stop making babies already, until it’s my time at least :-( but I guess reality is that I would never be able to run away from that! I am stuck in a world of so many fertile females some over whelmed by their blessing God has given them while others are totally annoyed by the “mistake’’ as they would refer it to…But guess what be grateful you are able to life into this world even if unplanned!

Faith wearing thin at times :-(

This is going to be one hard week…Had a total melt down this weekend; things are just spirally out of control. My obsession has made life difficult for my husband. But he simply Will never feel what I feel, a woman is meant to bare children bring life and I’m currently not fulfilling that part in my life. At times I find myself weeping and feeling empty. I at times I question if this is normal? I need to be strong in my faith depending on God’s promise, but I’m human after all as well, so many questions but God refers me to his word ‘seek first the kingdom and all will be added’… I pray that God strengthen me as I simply feel weak emotionally.