Where do I start? So much emotions, anger, questions of what If's why's etc. People will never understand the pain, sorrow, heartache that one feels loosing both your babies not one but TWO...a double blow!!!
18th of August 2014 will be a permanent mark on our calender. This was the day we had to sadly deliver our twin Prince and Princess with no sign of life.
4.5 years of waiting and praying and this is what the end result was??? Why us and most why me?
The heartache is unbearable...even though it was a choice of either them or me after spending just over a week in hospital before doctors gave the ultimate choice of either or.
They had all 10 ten toes and fingers hair lines were showing they were just so fully developed. The boy came out at 5:45am followed by the girl at 8am after just over 8 hours of labour who would have thought the choice of birth I always said I didn't want (normal birth) was the way I said my final goodbyes.
Laying there waiting for them to be stillborn was the longest and most heart renching experience ever. I would not want anyone experience this pain and suffering. I still have so many unanswered questions as to what went wrong, even though the past 6 months was an uphill battle just keeping them in they were always in perfect healthy and growing beyond doctors expectations of twin babies.
Who would have thought that the daily request asked from them while in my womb to stay strong and healthy until they
meant to come would be my ultimate issue...With a BP of 159 Pulse of 138 and Fever of 47 how could they have remained strong and healthy?
But hubby even in his own pain and sorrow of our loss reminds me daily that it's not our call but God's.
